Excited as I may be, it is nonetheless an excitement tempered by trepidation. You see there is a most regrettable practice in Egypt – Cairo in particular – regarding restaurants/cafes: The Minimum Charge. Initially intended as a way to improve the bottom line for the restaurant owner, the “Minimum Charge” now seems to be used as a screening filter for the clientele. The mechanics of the scheme are very simple: demand a high enough “minimum charge” and the lesser fortunate “B and C classes” will not come. This is economic profiling in action – your value as a customer is directly proportional to the fatness of your wallet.

Not only does this offend everyone I know, but I’d venture so far as to say that imposing a minimum charge actually hurts the potential revenue by imposing a maximum charge for the restaurant. Instead of ordering what you want, you end up ordering exactly what will get you to the minimum charge threshold.

The ire I feel when a waiter leans over to whisper, as if giving me a friendly warning, “But sir, we do have a minimum charge” rises like a tsunami of bile. Were it not for the company I keep, I would use a string of expletives and curses reserved only for the most heinous of personalities and follow it up with a destructive tour of the dining room, venting my rage upon the restaurant manager’s soft face. Sadly this all happens in my head and I, like most other patrons, put up with this abuse at the hands of an increasingly classist service industry. If there are any doubts as to whether or not this stratagem is employed to keep out the lower socio-economic classes, then ask yourself this question: are there any minimum charges in Boulaq or Ain Shams?

It’s the middle class that drives consumption and consumerism in an economy: that is your customer base. And in the year 2010, these classes have more disposable income than ever before, so why not let them spend it at your establishment? Unruly or impolite customers can be shown the door. Kicking a patron out for being an ass is one thing; but shutting out a patron for their social class or income level is a different, and darker, thing altogether.

Which brings to mind a newer trend among the “rarefied” establishments. During a recent phone call made to a popular Cairo lounge to place a reservation, I was informed that guests wearing Arabian garb or Niqab would be denied service. When pressed as to the reason why, the operator let it be known that the restaurant would like to bar entry to Arabian tourists. While this position may have been based on a few bad apples creating trouble, this type of profiling is nonetheless alarming. In a country renowned for its hospitality and status as a premier tourist destination, racial profiling at the door of a restaurant or nightclub is the antithesis of everything that is Egyptian.

Yet even so, a minimum charge would be tolerated if one could count on good service. It’s only fair that the show be worth the price of admission, right? No, dear friends, this is not the case. Some of the best restaurants in Cairo don’t have a minimum charge and have no problem with undesirable clients. And yet other restaurants – in an effort to impose an air of exclusivity and aloofness from the inhabitants of the very city they are meant to feed – demand these arbitrary sums of money from patrons as a promise of what they’ll spend there. From an accounting standpoint, it makes life easier – a ten pound minimum charge means that I’m guaranteeing revenue each day, multipliable by the number of patrons walking in through the door. But it only works if they walk in through the door to begin with.

Which means there is some hope: refuse to pay a minimum charge, and take your business elsewhere. Eventually restaurants and cafes will have to realize that asking for a minimum charge is both short sighted and outdated.

We are the customers, we are always right. We would do well to remember that.

Cooking Time: 120 minutes 60C water bath

The last time I posted was almost 6 weeks ago – and even that was barely a post; more like a compendium of links to stuff I’ve written for the good folks over at Cairo 360. But I haven’t been lazy; just insanely busy. Busy doing what? you ask. Well, my knee jerk answer to that question would be “None of your bidniss”, but then again, I’m making it your business by writing this post, right?

So what have I been doing? Writing more and more articles for cairo 360, eating well, and compiling a list of the recipes I used for the dishes photographed on the facebook page. Soon, you will have all of my secrets; but like a well fed golden goose; I keep on laying great tasting eggs. Err… maybe not the best analogy, but you get it.

More recently, I’ve been lucky enough to work with Ayman Samir, chef/owner of The Cellar Door bistro in Maadi. There are some very exciting developments, and the chance to create a new menu with an experienced professional first hand is something I’ve been dying to do for a few years now. Conflict of interest aside, I’d highly recommend a visit to the restaurant, if only to sample the sublime tuna carpaccio and the duck confit tagliatelle. Otherwise, order something from the specials menu, which brings classical, clean flavors to new heights.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking of starting the fast food fast anew; the only exception to this year’s fast will be the omission of Subway and Doner Mania from the list of culprits to avoid. It’s not like I eat there everyday, anyways.

Keep it tight, and stay tuned.

Cooking Time: 3 minutes

A 26-Page Brownie Recipe? Only At The Pentagon

Now, I’m all for standards while cooking; but I think this is overkill. I would hate to be the person tasked with writing this document. No doubt there were SOPS and templates to follow; but I can;t help but think the creation of this document was the source of some mid-level government employee’s loss of sanity.

Nuked, 30 seconds.

Easter is a great time for all; after much celebration, many part-time vegans will be able to return to a feast of flesh. Wear your meat pants, and bring an empty belly.

Happy Easter.

So if I totally missed out on writing up a quick list of restaurants to have that romantic dinner, then please consider it an omission of forgetfulness.

I just hope that no one went to Abu El Seed, Armada or the Zamalek JW Steakhouse.

Nuked, 1 Minute

Update bookmarks if you need to!

Cooking time 10 seconds

What’s in the pipeline?

Bone Marrow
Buffalo Burger
Site Redesign
Possible new contributor? Stay tuned.

Cooking Time

Nuked, 1 minute on Hi Power.

It’s been way too long. I’ve left you cold and without mental sustenence for a few months now. Not that I haven;t been sampling the fare cairo has to offer – I just haven’t written it up yet.

Look forward to reviews/rants on:

Romano’s Macaroni Grill
Justine’s
Ruby Tuesday
Johnny Rocket
Crocodile Grill
The Best Hamburger in Cairo
The Best Koshary in Cairo

All this and more – if you’re lucky before the end of this year!

Till then, stay sweet, stay safe and keep on dancing!

Cooking Time…..2 Minutes